Non-Comic Book Summer Flicks

Although this summer is going to see the release of three comic book movies, Punisher, Hellboy, and Spider-Man 2, I'm more interested in other kinds of films. I don't want to dub 2004 as the "Year of the B Movie" yet, but there's a lot in the bullpen that might lead one to believe that is the case.

First, we've got The Day After Tomorrow, a big-budget disaster flick by the guy who did Independence Day. The previews show some great footage of cities being destroyed but not much else, so the actual storyline isn't clear yet. But this is one to watch.

Then there's Van Helsing, which looks like everything Underworld and The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen could have been. It's got a nice, gothic feel to it, even though it's got a few slick action-movie elements. I'd compare it to a live-action version of Vampire Hunter D.

Next up is Dawn of the Dead, a remake of the classic Romano horror flick of the same name. It's a big-budget, big-bang zombie flick. Not like 28 Days Later, and not CGI like Resident Evil, but done classically, with makeup and effects. I'm really looking forward to this one, too, for many of the reasons listed above. They seem to have deviated a little from zombie mythology - their zombies act somewhat intelligent and move pretty damn fast, at least from what they're showing in the trailer.

Another offering is Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (AKA Crimson Skies 2: Electric Bugaloo). I've talked a little about Sky Captain before, and I'm pretty excited about this flick, too. I found out later that only the actors are actually "filmed" - no sets, everything else was rendered, and the actors filled in slots originally occupied by CGI characters. So this could kind of be the counter-balance to the Dawn remake, an all-CGI actioneer that is totally over-the-top. The premise (alternate history where evil robots attack a big city with giant Zepplins) is straight out of Crimson Skies, as are the symbols on the planes, but I think this could be a great movie, a lot like The Rocketeer.

OK, then there's another horror remake, this time of The Stepford Wives. Unlike Dawn, this film doesn't seem like a remake would enhance it whatsoever - the original was outstanding, one of the last true suspense / horror films before Halloween and Friday the 13th re-invented the genre. Hitchcock would have been proud of the original Wives. The new one, I'm not too sure about. The trailer (linked above) ruins the "surprise" ending of the movie right there in the trailer. Blah.

Then there's Resident Evil: Apocalypse. The trailer itself is goddamned cool, it's basically an ad for an Umbrella Corporation product (hehe) that ends with Milla Jovovitch in the same pose from the end of the first flick. I thought the first Resident Evil was OK, but like the video games it relied too much on "jump" moments and ass-kicking. Which is fine, but not really what I care for in horror films. That, and the CGI monsters were pretty bad in some parts (even though the zombies were great). This one may be a renter.

But wait, there's more! No less than two big-budget historical epics, one starring Brad Pitt, Sean Bean, and Orlando Bloom called Troy, which looks like the best of the two, and another called King Arthur, starring the lovely Kiera Knightly (in a leather outfit worthy of some costume designer's paycheck). Troy looks pretty good from the trailer, definately fishing for an Oscar but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Arthur is by the same crew that did Pirates of the Caribbean, but instead of acting like a big-budget, over-the-top action flick, it bills itself as a historical epic, down to the "this is the true story" nonsense in the trailer before they show Romans, Saxons, and Picts (huh?) fighting outside of a Norman castle. Which is a little bit like the Nazis, Napoleon's armies, and the Vikings fighting outside of a 22nd-century moon base (dear God, I hope that doesn't seem like a good idea to some movie writer a thousand years from now).

If you've read this far, congratulations! You deserve a big award for sticking out what could very well be my most boring blog entry if you're not into movies and hearing me run my mouth about them. One more film I wanted to mention - Kevin Smith's latest, Jersey Girl, which may or may not be any good. The trailer makes it pretty hard to tell, although Jennifer Lopez (I refuse to call her "J Lo") does die ten minutes into the film, which can't be a bad thing.

I can't believe I just spent so much of my time yacking about movies. I should probably go write my columns for the RPG Times.