Friday, May 06, 2005

Still No Home Internet

That's right, no 'Net connection at home, so if you're waiting patiently for real content to return to the puppet show, you will have to keep waiting.

In other news, Esquire had this to say regarding a movie I care nothing about:

    So this ordinary, middle-class American male walks into a bar. "A beer, whatevers on tap.", he says, slapping down a fiver. The bartender, smiling, reaches below the bar, audibly unzips his fly, and a moment later produces a tall glass that looks suspiciously as if it might be full of warm urine. But our guy is a trusting soul, and he gulps it down anyway. Big mistake. He retches, curses, and then storms out, furious.

    Three years later, the same guy walks into the same bar and asks the same bartender for a beer. No problemo, says the bartdener. Zzzzip. Handed what again looks like something better suited to a specimen jar, the guy barely even hesitates. Down the hatch it goes, and then halfway back up the hatch again. Tears of rage are shed, a lawsuit is threatened. Exit the dude, livid.

    Three years later, the same guy walks into the same and asks the same bartender for a beer. You're waiting for the punchline. It's not a joke, I'm afraid. It's a parable. The guy is you, the bar is the neighborhood cinema and the third steaming glass of piss you're about to be served with a smile is called Star Wars: Episode III.

    For God's sake, don't drink it.

2 comments:

Roger Whitson said...

wait wait wait Mr. Critic...as far as I remember, you were enthralled by both Darth Maul (you did dress up like him for Halloween) and Jar Jar. Don't you remember the endless nights of "messa this and messa that" that Roman, I and the unnamed one had to go through? Oh, and what about seeing Episode II with me in St. Louis? You had already seen it and were instructing me as to when was the appropriate time to go to the bathroom--so I didnt' miss the climatic battle scene that riveted you to the bone? Now you seem to agree with this Esquire article. This doesn't seem to match up with the Star Wars experiences I had with you...

hmmmm... ;)

Jason said...

Yup, I loved Episode II and thought I was Ok. But somehow, this time around, I just don't fucking care. I don't necessarily agree with the article, especially since I'll wait to see the movie to make up my own mind, but I doubt I'll be catching this one in theaters.