I Smell Sex and Violence

So Rockstar Games originally programmed a sex sub-game into Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas. On the PS2 and the X-Box, this wasn't a problem because the old code couldn't be unlocked (OK, it probably could but only by 0.001% of the overall gaming population). But on the PC, it's a huge problem because you can sort through the code, figure out what's there, and then make a "mod" (a modification program) to make it accessible.

So that's what someone did. This "explicit" sex sub-game was originally part of the game, taken out but most of the code left in. Someone "modded" it to go back in, and politicians like Hillary Clinton, looking for a cause, latched on and said "no way."

Now, for a little perspective.

This isn't a porno film. It's characters rendered from polygons - boxes and triangles - doing sexy things. So there's no close-ups, no money shots, no pearl necklaces, no DVDA, no golden showers. It's a sub-game.

And this sub-game resides in a larger game. This larger game is quite violent. I have, in no particular order:

Run over and entire SWAT team with a tank, squishing them.

Stood on the front steps of a casino with a sniper rifle, shooting pedestrians in the head.

Beaten people to death with a bouquet of flowers (I'm not making that up).

Driven a combine harvester around a farm and sucked the workers into the machinery, grinding them to a pulp.

Walked up behind a homeless person and slit his throat with a knife.

Randomly killed sunbathers on the beach for money.

But all of that stuff? That's OK. It's only a sub-game where characters made from triangles and squares simulate the act of procreation that's bad.

How bad is it? Rockstar bowed to pressure and re-rated the game "Adults Only," which will kill its sales in almost every market because the vast majority of stores will refuse to carry it. Apparently the "MA" rating - for Mature Audiences (17+) - wasn't good enough. I'm not surprised, since I've personally witnessed clueless parents purchasing this game for their 10-year-olds - and act, I might add, that led me for the first time to fantasize about carrying out the fantasy violence of video games in real life, because if there's any people who need to be beaten to death with a bouquet of flowers, it's people who purchase games like San Andreas for their 10-year-olds.

I must say that I lost a lot of respect for Hillary Clinton for her response to this. One of the reasons I did not vote for Gore in 2000 was Lieberman's opposition (Inquisition) to Mortal Kombat back in 1993. I'm sorry to say that Miss Clinton will not receive my vote should she decide to run for president for this insipid attempt and political grandstanding through hypocrisy, double-standards, and misinformation.

Let this be a lesson: kids, remember, driving a combine around the beach to grind people to a pulp is OK. But if you want to engage in a sexual act with a person you're dating, no way!

And parents: for fuck's sake, buy a clue about the games your kids are playing! If you don't start taking some responsibility, those of us who do are gonna be screwed by your laziness when none of us will have access to fantasy entertainment.