Saturday, June 16, 2007

How To Design A Shitty Game [UPDATE 1]

1. Create a reward that is only possible for completing a level without dying.
2. Create a level based around vehicle combat.
3. Spend zero time implementing intuitive vehicle combat controls.
4. Make an unskippable three-minute cutscene before the level.
5. If the player dies and doesn't get the reward, force them to go all the way back to the menu before replaying the level - and of course watch the cutscene again.
6. Repeat three times.

[UPDATE 1]"I swear if I don't get it this time, I'm going to murder a hobo."

"Honey, it's just a game!"

"But it's just a hobo!"

Jack Thompson should never read this, ever. What have I become? Damn you Lucas for licensing your IP to shitty game designers! Damn you to HELL!

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