Wednesday, July 19, 2006

Seattleite, Okie Relations Sour Following Kidnapping of Sonics

Bothell DMZ, SPS News. Relations between Seattleites and Okies reached their worst level in twenty years yesterday as violence erupted between the two factions over the kidnapping of Seattle's NBA and WNBA teams by a group of Oklahoma City-based investors. A series of airstrikes rocked the Will Rogers International Airport outside of Oklahoma City, while Seattle tanks rolled into the South Tulsa strip, supposedly aimed at rooting out Okie guerillas in the ORU area.

"The kidnapping of our sports teams is a grave concern to all Seattleites," said Seattle Prime Minister Bill Gates. "We have the right to defend ourselves, and we plan to exercise that right." Seattle's Chief Army Commander Kurt Cobain added that the Okies are "on the run," and even as cross-border violence escalated, he was optimistic about Seattle's chances for victory. "We are fully aware that Texas and Arkansas are funneling money to the Okies, and ultimately their cooperation will help us put an end to this bloodshed."

Meanwhile Okie rockets tore through sections of downtown Seattle, reportedly spilling lattes and killing a civilian Schnoodle puppy. Okies also unleased a violent EMP pulse, disrupting Bluetooth and wireless communications for almost an hour on Tuesday, causing Seattle's economic productivity to nosedive and its drivers to suddenly pay attention on the highways.

"The Seattleite attacks are tearing my country apart" Okie President Garth Brooks told SPS News. "I have repeatedly asked these investors to return the Sonics and the Storm to Seattle, but [Mr.] Gates seems intent on destroying our entire way of life, and thousands of civillians have been displaced because of it."

US President Bush declined comment and noted that it was "too early to tell if a ceasefire would have any effect."

Added Bush: "Oranges are delicious."

More on this story as it develops.

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